Archive for the 'Humour' Category

IMDB Keywords: Torso Cut In Half!

October 11, 2008

Man, I love IMDB plot keywords!

Torso Cut In Half

Torso Cut In Half - Related Keywords

Here’s one for movies featuring a torso cut in half. Pretty damn specific, you’d think. Right? Wrong! There are 118 movies in IMDB which have been tagged with this sucker! And I can narrow those 118 bad boys down even more as the above image shows.

What if I want to see all movies featuring a torso cut in half which also feature “breasts”? No problem!

But dammit if there aren’t 25 of those. I think I’m in the mood of torsos being cut in half, breasts, and… martial arts!

Now we’re talking. We’re down to 6, and most of those have unpronounceable Japanese names (who’d have thought it?). I’ll narrow it down a little further, though, just to be sure, adding “trousers” into the mix: straight outta leftfield! I feel like a bit of trousers with my torso mutilation, martial arts and breasts.

Et voila: Gantz.

Gantz

Gantz: A movie featuring torsos being cut in half, breasts, martial arts and trousers.

As you can see, it’s some form of anime. Here’s the plot summary on IMDB:

A group of people are resurrected from their deaths by a mysterious black ball called GANTZ to combat alien criminals hiding on Earth.

Sounds sweet.

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DragonForce: Rock Legends

February 15, 2008

So this week my mate Mark has come to stay — and this time he’s brought his Wii! With Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock, no less!

YES!

Strike the pose, people: \m/

Guitar Hero 3

I’ve never played any of the Guitar Hero series before and I was well aware that rhythm gaming is not my forte, but I’m still surprised by the degree of skill needed for this game. It’s not just about mindless button-mashing, but actually requires an above-average level of coordination. In fact, I think my (rudimentary) guitar-playing ability helped me out, particularly when I was rockin’ it in the “No More Pencils” harmonics section of “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper. Star Power for the WIN!

Lest any of the above erroneously lead you to the conclusion that I am some sort of Guitar Hero Rock God, rest assured that the most I’ve been able to manage is Medium so far. Hard difficulty is somewhat beyond my meagre capabilities at this point — and let’s not even mention Expert…

In fact, let’s mention the Expert setting. Let’s mention it in the context of the most ridiculously overblown — and downright impossible — Guitar Hero song in existence. Namely: DragonForce – Through the Fire and Flame.

Not knowing anything about the legend that is DragonForce, I foolishly attempted this bad boy on Medium difficulty, only to progress about 5% of the way through the song before unceremoniously being booed offstage. M-Dawg’s run was far better, and he’d been going for over five minutes when he got the boot. But this is DragonForce, and five minute songs are for wimps — the full length is 8 and a half minutes!

This thing is flipping SOLID! Playing it requires some sort of extra-sensory perception: colours race at you at 500bpm with seemingly no pattern, rhyme nor reason, and you’re expected to not only follow what’s going on, but also make some meaningful attempt at playing along! Ludicrous.

But this is Internet, and of course someone somewhere has been locked in a darkened room for six weeks mastering it. Want proof? Here’s the Youtube vid:

Awesome!

And you know what’s even more awesome? The official DragonForce video for Through the Fire and Flames, also handily available on Youtube, albeit in a truncated “radio friendly” version:

Altogether now: “On a cold winter morning, in the time before the light, In flames of death’s eternal reign, we ride towards the fight…”

Light and fight, eh? I see what they’ve done there…

Presidential Tag Clouds… Of The Future!

February 10, 2008

Remember the site which showed you all the buzzwords from the last two hundred-odd years of the US State of the Union? Here’s another I came across just now, but this time it’s a wry look at what the speech might look like in 70 years or so:

2080 State of the Union Address: Key Terms and Phrases (via Waxy.org)

Highlights include ‘Engorged Benefactor Larvae’, ‘Iraq 2.0’, ‘September 11’ and ‘Metaeducation Implants’.

(By the way, here’s the real one for 2008 in case you were wondering…)

Amazon Has Dispatched The Queen

February 8, 2008

Here’s an amusing little snippet which I came across while checking my Gmail inbox earlier this week:

Sender: Amazon.co.uk

Subject: The Queen has been dispatched

Yikes! Has all the power finally gone to Jeff Bezos‘ head?

“Dear lostmoya,

We’ve dispatched The Queen. You can expect to receive it in 1-2 business days…”

Oh ho ho, I see what you’ve done there, because this is all about Stephen Frears’ excellent film starring Helen Mirren and Michael Sheen. Disappointingly, what actually dropped on my door mat three days later was the Amazon DVD rental envelope, and not a severed monarch’s head…

At least the film was good.

Sometimes xkcd Can Be Really Deep…

January 18, 2008

The latest one brings a tear to my eye:

xkcd - To be wanted


By the way, the alt-text on the original is “Or so I hope?”. And, as most xkcd fans know, the alt-text is crucial to the overall interpretation of the piece.

“I Am Now Switching Off BBC2 Analogue!”

October 17, 2007

Those were the not-so-historic words spoken at some point earlier today when a nondescript guy, in what appears to be a storage cupboard, flicked an unassuming light switch on the wall and apparently turned off the BBC2 analogue signal for the Cumbrian town of Whitehaven:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7048817.stm

Click on “Watch Audio and Video News” in the top right to see the moment in all its glory. What I love about this is the fact that no one thought of making it into anything approaching a spectacle or show. In proper gritty British style, they’ve clearly had to shove a filing cabinet out of the way simply in order to reach the switch. Classic.

The rest of the report has the beeb desperately trying to conjure up some major historical event out of all this: Whitehaven is the first town in the UK to be (partly) switched to a digital TV signal, and apparently it’s causing some consternation for about 0.2% of the town’s over 60s. To be fair, financial assistance is available for those who can’t afford to get Sky in, but the trouble is that too many people aren’t aware of it, or don’t know how to get it.

In any case, by the time London’s signal is switched over (in 2011 – 2012), they’ll no doubt have learned a lesson or two. I predict an all singing and dancing extravaganza featuring the cast of Strictly Come Dancing and Britney performing a duet with Justin as part of a comeback tour… Or something.

Almost There… Stay On Target!

October 10, 2007

Plaster Wars” was an event which took place earlier this month featuring scale models of several Star Wars craft, like the X-Wing (full-scale) and Y-Wing (1/4 scale):

“A long time ago, in a garage in Santee, California, a group of slightly insane rocketeers decided to make a flying scale model of the X-Wing fighter from what is arguably the best movie ever made, Star Wars.”

Here are the (less than spectacular, but still geekily entertaining) results:

Altogether now: “Watch out, Wedge! Three from above!” “I can’t shake him!” “Too late!”, etc.

Grammar Nazis: xkcd

October 8, 2007

Webcomic xkcd just published a strip about the intricacies of English grammar. In a previous life I would very much identify with this kind of thing, and in fact there are people I know from my postgraduate days in linguistics who probably still do this on a daily basis:

xkcd - effect affect

Of course, I know plenty of grammar nazis too…

Horatio Caine. YOU’VE… Been YouTubed

September 23, 2007

If you watch CSI: Miami you’ll no doubt be familiar with the unintentionally hilarious one-liners delivered with an air of smug, self-satisfied gusto by C-lister (he was in that one film with Linda Fiorentino, right?) David Caruso. Ah, but we love him really!

And now, thanks to the magic of YouTube, you can watch them over and over, because someone’s handily compiled the “best” bits into a seven-and-a-half minute Caruso-thon. Genius:

Even More Mashed-Up Trailers

August 13, 2007

While browsing around Metafilter recently, I came across a link to the following post all about video mashups:

Sublime Recycling: Mashups That Rock! (via Metafilter)

I posted about my love for trailer mashups and music mashups a while ago, but there were a few links that I hadn’t come across before; most notably, Boogie Nights as Star Wars. However, the real find here is this near-comprehensive trailer mashup resource:

The Trailer Mash

Mashup fiends are in heaven: you can search mashups by genre or by movie. There’s a sizeable database here, so inevitably the quality is somewhat varied. But you can peruse the top 10 recut trailers, all of which are classics, and most of which I’ve included in my previous mashup-oriented blog posts.

Unbelievably though, I had missed the incredibly professional Goonies of the Caribbean mashup — two parts 80s kids’ adventure-comedy effortlessly mixed with three parts Jack Sparrow — so it was well worth the visit: